


growth&gravitating.

by hopefuls



Category: Dong Bang Shin Ki, K-pop, So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-03 19:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/701822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopefuls/pseuds/hopefuls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon-verse. On Changmin and Seohyun's ever-blooming relationship (and on how Seohyun finds the playful little tease that Changmin always seemed to spoke of, quite unsettling).</p>
            </blockquote>





	growth&gravitating.

 

**one.**

**| commence and falls;**

 

 

  
They sat across one another in a small café in the outskirts of Seoul. No one knew them here; he wore multiple layers of disguise and she was just another trainee back then.  
  
Tense filled the atmosphere around them, both of them sipping their respective coffees silently.  
  
"So," Joohyun began slowly, as she tried to interpret his previous words. "You want me to get a boyfriend?"  
  
"Yes." Changmin nodded, almost gleefully.  
  
Joohyun stared at him in amazement, half-expecting that he had meant something else.  
  
Placing her cup of coffee on the table gently, she collected her thoughts and questioned him, "but oppa, why do you suggest such a thing out of the blue?"  
  
He shrugged nonchalantly and leaned back against his chair. "I just wanted to offer you a piece of advice, seeing how you always do to others."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Both of them were soon quiet, with Joohyun slightly confused and Changmin smiling meaningfully.  
  
"Then," she realised, meeting his eyes. "I suppose I must thank you."  
  
She quickly tilted her head forward in thankfulness to him, earning her a small chuckle from him.  
  
"Thank you-  
  
Then he laughed, perplexing her even further. First he wants her to address him with the  _ever-so-informal 'oppa',_  then he 'advises' her to find her significant other and  _now, he's uncharacteristically laughing at her?_  
  
"Really, Joohyun, it's not necessary." he said in between his attempts of suppressing his laughter.  
  
"But oppa-  
  
As the two went on bantering, Kyuhyun re-emerged from the restroom and marvelled at how quickly the awkwardness between his two friends had dissipated.  
  


 

  
;  
  


 

  

The next time they encountered each other was at their company's headquarters, after her debut when she's adopted a new name, Seohyun. She had just arrived there and hoped to settle a few things. As she stood erect in front of the elevator, the door opened and revealed Changmin.  
  
He looked up from his phone and caught a sight of her. "Oh, hey there."  
  
She nodded in acknowledgement. "Good morning, oppa."  
  
Changmin stepped out of the elevator, and smiled. Brushing past Seohyun lightly, he whispered, "you still remember what I said,  _right?_ "  
  
Seohyun slowly shook her head in confusion.  
  
"Find yourself a boyfriend." Changmin spoke casually, so casual that it took her a while to comprehend his words.  
  
When it finally dawned on her, she blushed visibly and immediately averted his gaze. And as if that wasn't enough, she could feel him staring at her in mild amusement.  
  
Ignoring the heat rush to her cheeks, Seohyun determinedly turned and called out, "Wait, oppa-"  
  
But he was already walking away, "see you later, Joohyun!" and then he was gone, leaving her alone, and once again, truly confused.  
  


 

  
;  
  


 

  

Seohyun saw him next when she was accompanying Sooyoung to one of the latter's meetings with her friends. She knew most of them, but could only pinpoint one or two out of the bunch as friends of her own.  
  
Changmin was there too, enthusiastically engaged in an argument with Kyuhyun over a topic Seohyun couldn’t quite catch. Though she thought she might have vaguely heard videogames and traitors and comrades in between the exchange.  
  
It wasn't something she can ever hope to understand but she listened on anyway. It fascinated her tremendously to witness such different sides to the two men although she hadn't a clue on what's going on between them.  
  
"They're really good friends, aren't they?" Sooyoung mused beside her as she sipped blissfully on her smoothie.  
  
 _Yes they are_ , Seohyun mentally agreed while observing the two parties in question silently in awe. It must be really nice to have such good friends.  
  


 

  
; 

 

 

 

  
_It’s horrible,_  she dreadfully thought, it was single-handedly the most humiliating,  _humiliating_  thing she’s ever had the opportunity to experience.

 

She had never been put down like she was in the previous hour, under the searing bright lights, to thousands and thousands of foreign faces; the very place that was supposed to be the ever-so-cliché dream come true for her. For unnies, she added, glancing from the corner of her eyes at eight other girls that she’s come to love, mourning over their shattered but -shared nevertheless- dream.

 

To be able to stand on the stage; hasn’t this been a dream of theirs for such a long time? Hadn’t they worked hard for this, more importantly, why hadn’t their efforts paid off? Hadn’t they craved for this, poured their hearts out for this? After such an agonizing journey; was this the outcome of their dream?

 

They called it  _The Black Ocean_ , as she would find out later. The whole point of the ordeal was a huge blur to her but she didn’t care much for an explanation. That nerve-wrecking moment as they were waiting for their turn, anticipation growing in their heart when they heard monstrosity of cheers for other artistes; she can never forget it. Or all the small whispers of  _“good luck!”_  and  _“don’t forget your lines!”_  and  _“let’s do our best!”_  as they stepped out, taking a deep breath and-

 

It was pitch black, eerily silent; save for that one section of the always so loyal bright pink hues where the only cheers were coming from. 

 

Her heart sank, instantaneously she felt nauseous. Too heartsick to react, she was at the very least, grateful that all the intense practices allowed her and her group mates to robotically dance and sing in accordance to the music. Though emotions cannot be faked; their movements were forced through and through, the cheerful  _(and ironic)_ nature of their music could never mask such distress so evident in their eyes and etched in the lines on their faces.

 

 

 

.

 

.

 

 

 

Now it’s been an hour or so, she’s lost track of time and for the first time in her life, she’s too disheartened to care. Slowly but steadily, she stood up and excused herself so she can escape sympathetic gaze from everyone  _that’s not them_  and their well-meant, unnecessary consolation.

 

She found solitude in a dim-lit corner near one of the emergency stairs. Leaning against the cold wall, she pulled her knees close to her chest and buried her head in between. Seohyun truthfully felt a little awful for leaving her sisters in a time like this. But at least here, she won’t feel too bad about bawling her eyes out.

 

So she did just that, letting the tears freely cascading down her cheeks. She became so engrossed in her despair that she did not notice a figure settling down next to her.

 

It took a gentle pat on her head to startle her. With her shoulders stiff, she hastily swivelled her head to identify the very person that had invaded her personal comfort space. In between stifled sobs and fuzzy vision, she somehow managed to recognise the trespasser as Changmin.

 

She wasn’t at all pleased to see the man who, on several occasion found it amusing to tease her, settling comfortably next to her. Burying her head deeper, she tried to ignore his presence, half-expecting him to say something so remotely appropriate and somehow manage to get away with it like he always he did. 

 

However, he did not utter a word at all. In that dark corner, only the sound of her sniffling reverberated, audible solely to them.   
  
It was unbecoming of her to so openly display her despair, she thought, and yet- she felt strangely at ease (gradual, but it was enough for her to disregard what was and wasn't unseemly at the moment).  
  
Loosening her grip around her knees, she secretly stole a glance at him. He was staring at the gray wall ahead, his face solemn, a stark contrast from the expression that she is used to seeing plastered on his face. He smiled a lot, not a man of much words and always ready with snarky remarks that rivalled Kyuhyun's. She had never seen him so, sombre.  
  
Perhaps it was this side of him that she found solace in, she deduced. Lifting her head fully now, she felt a surge of thankfulness washing over her. Thank you, she wants to say, the words never really left her tongue.  
  
A chuckle escaped his lips and Seohyun found herself drawn to the sound, so seemingly carefree.   
  
No problem, his eyes seemed to convey as they turn into a mismatched crescent and the small good-natured smile on his face.  
  
Then he extended his left arm and awkwardly patted on Seohyun's head as what she supposed was his gesture of reassurance.  
  
The latter peered at him, slightly baffled while Changmin stood up, brushing off the dusts on his pants before helping her up.  
  
"See you later, Joohyun." he flashed a smile at her and walked off with his hands delved in his pockets.  
  
As he exited the corners, Seohyun watched his back in a daze. Slowly, she turned on her heels and head back to her unnies. They must be worried, she pondered. At least she can put up a brave front now that need to cry has been vanquished.  
  


 

  
.

  
.  
  


 

  

Much to her dismay, the urge to cry comes again later, at their dorm when the lights are out and everyone's asleep. She sits discreetly in the narrow hallway, on the cold hard floor and hesitantly, she let herself sink in her sorrow.  
  
She quietly considered her goals and expectations. Clearly no one warned her of this, and if she allowed herself to be frank, she felt a little upset.  
  
The cool air brushed against her skin lightly, prompting her to shiver. Wrapping her arms around her knees tighter, she curled her toes as streams of tears rolled down her cheeks.  
  
 _This will be the last of it,_  she pledged,  _she will not let herself weep over the matter after tonight. Tomorrow she will be fine_ ,  _ready to work hard again,_ she firmly decided.  
  
All of a sudden Seohyun felt a slender arm draped over her shoulders and she is mildly surprised to see Jessica with half-lidded eyes equally red as hers and very visible eye bags.  
  
"U-unnie." she stuttered as the elder girl held her close.  
  
"You idiot," Jessica muttered, fatigue evident in her voice as Seohyun momentarily winced.   
  


"You don't have to cry alone, you know."  
  
She meant  _well_ , Seohyun tried to convince herself, though she felt a little worried for her unnie. Despite Jessica's effort to appear nonchalant, she can tell that the elder girl wasn't feeling too peachy herself.  
  
At that moment however, Seohyun chose to take everything at face-value. She relaxed in the confines of her  _sister's_  arms and the barriers that existed between them all these years just seem to abruptly vanish.  
  
( _of course_  she made sure that she wasn't  _the only one_  to feel better during the private moment)  
  
"Let's cry together, unnie." she whispered softly, boldly nonetheless.  
  
Jessica snorted, struggling to keep her tone steady, "that's exactly what I suggested-  
  


A sniffle filled in the pause.

  
-silly girl." she mumbled, her voice finally cracking.  
  
Sure it had been a painful experience, but being together with the people you care for most definitely eased the ache. And for once, Seohyun didn't feel so  _alone._  
  
That night might  _or might not_  have closed the wide distance in their relationship.  
  
  


  
(she'd like to think that it did)

 

 

  
;  
  


 

 

It was in late November when Seohyun was rehearsing for her group's (then) new song with her other band mates. They had been practising for many hours now, it's ten p.m. already and the dance moves are finally embedded in her mind.  
  
 _-oh yeah yeah yeah~"_  The song came to an end for the umpteenth time and finally, one of her band mates decided that was enough practice for the day, and everyone can finally rest.  
  
"Good job, everyone! Get some rest and remember that practice starts early tomorrow."  
  
Seohyun watched as seven of her band mates exasperatedly shuffle out of the room one by one. Hyoyeon pats her head gently in consolation when she walked past her. "Finish up soon, 'kay?"  
  
Seohyun nodded, smiling gratefully at her unnie. As the youngest ones in the group, Seohyun and Yoona were tasked with the duty of cleaning the practice room each time their group used the room.  
  
Yoona sighed; it'll take another ten minutes to clean up the mess they made. "Let's get started then."  
  
"Yes," Seohyun agreed softly as she picked up water bottles lying on the floor.  
  
The pair completed their tasks in silence, both looking forward to getting some sleep.  
  
Yoona walked out of the room first as Seohyun switched off the lights.  
  
Smiling tiredly, the older girl grabbed Seohyun's hand, pulling her gently away from the door. "Let's hurry; we don't want to be left behind now, do we?"  
  
As Yoona led them to the staircase, Seohyun caught a glimpse of an all-too-familiar figure in another practice room three doors away from theirs. The door to the room was left slightly ajar, providing her with a limited view inside the room. But she knew who it was, even with the vaguest vision she could make out the very identity of the figure. Her pulse quickened and there's really only one person who could make her feel that way.   
  
Deeply unsettled, she followed Yoona exiting the building, away from him and discreetly,  _she hoped,_  away too from this inexplicably overwhelming sensation.

 

 

 

;

 

 

 

"Have you eaten?"  
  
Seohyun turned behind and discovered Changmin quirking a lopsided smile at her.  
  
"I'm waiting for unnies; we'll be eating lunch in a bit." Seohyun replied politely.   
  
"Is that so?" he frowned, as Seohyun shifted a little to the right so he could sit. "Say, Joohyun."  
  
"What is it, oppa?"  
  
"Have you tried that new meal set in the cafeteria?"  
  
She shook her head. "Have you tried it yourself?"  
  
"Yeah." he nodded enthusiastically, getting excited to be talking about food. "It's amazing! The fries are perfectly fried, the sandwich's great too, with the thick awesomely grilled beef and it's also not too unnecessarily overstuffed with veggies and there's also an omelette filled with cheese."  
  
Seohyun tried to mask her grimace at the description of the new meal set.

 

"And there's that three scoops of mouth-watering chocolate ice-cream." Changmin beamed as his female companion struggled to estimate the total nutritional value of the meal set. Surely all the food can’t be good for one’s-

 

“Oh! And you get a coca-cola for a drink as well!”

 

Seohyun opened her mouth in a poor attempt to speak but was hastily interrupted by Changmin’s unmalicious, completely well-intentioned (but incredibly appalling) idea to suggest such an unthinkable thing to her.

 

“You should try it sometime.”

 

A horrified look was vividly painted on the girl’s face; she could no longer be bothered to courteously hide her distaste for the new meal set. It was as though she had just been mercilessly shoved into a room filled to the brim with gruesome creatures that want nothing but to devour her.

 

She took a deep breath patiently. Pursing her lips, Seohyun scrambled her mind for appropriate, inoffensive ways to convey her ultimate disgust for the meal that Changmin found delectable.

 

“Oppa, that’s...” she paused; staring at Changmin’s hopeful face, second-guessing her actions  _(does she dare to destroy his optimistic with being truthful?)_  


 

“That’s terribly unhealthy.” The words seemed to roll rather unpleasantly off her tongue.

 

Her male companion blinked. His smile was slowly disappearing, replacing his previous cheerful demeanour. 

 

“It tastes good.” He justified.

 

“But-

 

“It’s really,  _really_  good.”

 

“Oppa, it’s-

 

“Best thing anyone’s ever tasted.”

 

Seohyun sighed;  _this was going to be a difficult message to get across._  Next to her, Changmin puckered his brows.

 

“Seriously Joohyun, what’s gonna happen when you get a glutton for a boyfriend? Are you going to chide him about how the food’s bad for his health?” he ranted, before the corners of his lips curled into a teasing smirk. “That’s highly unromantic, you know.”

 

Seohyun flushed a little but managed to recover. “Having a boyfriend is out of the question.”

 

“But you will have one later, right?” he challenged her.

 

“Work is more important,” she insisted, lauding her principles; work before love, work above love.

 

“Well-

 

Before their argument could span out into a long, insufferable battle of wits, a masculine cry of  _“Changmin yah!_ ” caught their attention.

 

Seohyun turned and instantly recognised the owner of the voice as Yoochun. Beside her, Changmin stood up, annoyance carved onto his features as he looked over at his group mate. He scowled, ignoring the indignant cries of  _“yah, you impertinent brat!”_  coming from his hyung, in favour of Seohyun. Facing the girl next to him, determination was set in his countenance.

 

“I’ll take you to the cafeteria one of these days and make you taste utter perfection.”

 

Seohyun was taken aback, her eyes widened in mild surprise. Shim Changmin was a relentless man, it seemed, and with her eyes trained on his back as he heads off to Yoochun, a strange sensation began bubbling inside of her.

 

 

 

 

 (it was like déjà vu;  _her heart aflutter,_

 

 

 

                                   was she always watching him as he leaves?)

 

 

  
;  
  


 

 

Come 2009, she didn’t see him a lot but when she did, they often made small courteous talks. Their chances of stumbling into each other were greatly reduced as time continued to elapse. DBSK was- _no, Tohoshinki_ was consistently in Japan, making names for themselves in the Land of Rising Sun while SNSD was starting to make waves in their home country.

 

Singles after singles, performance after another; both were incredibly busy leading their respective careers. It placed an inevitable strain on their budding friendship and so they weren’t as close as how they could’ve been.

 

There were so many things they could’ve been but they just weren’t. During her free time, Seohyun sporadically mused to herself what they  _would’ve been,_ how they  _would’ve_  progressed as friends, had the circumstances been different.

 

Even so, there was this one very memorable phone call that she would never allow herself to forget. DBSK was in Japan at the time, it was when their (DBSK and SNSD’s) respective managers were on the phone with each other, that Changmin somehow managed to persuade his manager hyung to let him just speak for a few seconds to Seohyun. His voice was dripping with euphoria as he proclaimed  _“We did it! We’ve finally made it to Tokyo Dome!”_  into the receiver. She lucidly remembered how ecstatic she had been for his success and briefly expressed how she wished to replicate such a remarkable feat with her own group mates.

 

There was a hint of exacerbation in his tone that she didn’t miss. She chose to ignore it, dismissing it as a mere sign of stress. After all, it is only understandable that such a huge accomplishment must come with a lot of stress, she reasoned at that moment.

 

She would soon discover her error, but by then it would’ve been too late. 

 

 

 

.

  
.

 

 

 

The news of the lawsuit came about, a single solemn statement declaring; three members of Dong Bang Shin Ki  _(Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu)_  filed for injunction against SM Entertainment.

 

As a fairly optimistic girl, she honestly hadn't expected it at all, her naiveté had made her believe that they were happy; they were at the peak of their success  _and Japan loved them!_  


 

DBSK's activities were put on hold, various rumours circulated over the issue. The situation had been so tense that any mention of the ongoing lawsuit was undoubtedly a taboo. There had even been an order prohibiting her and her fellow labelmates from discussing the matter, be it publicly or privately.

 

Seohyun complied unquestioningly as most of her labelmates did. Very few did so with a varying degree of reluctance.

  
  


  
.  
  
.  
  


  
  
She hadn't see Yunho or Changmin though it's been said that they've all flown back to South Korea. She can't ever imagine what it must've felt for any of them.  
  
  


  
.  
  
.  
  


  
  
One whole week had passed since the news broke, there were still no sights of any of the DBSK members. She was genuinely worried for her sunbaes and could only wish for their well-being.  
  
(in a hindsight, she's exceptionally concerned for the maknae,  _it was because they were good friends,_ she insisted, vehemently putting the cheeky little voice in her head to a hush)  
  
It was truly a difficult time for him and she wanted to be there for him, just as how he had selflessly went out of his way to comfort her when she was at her lowest.  
  
But how?  
  


  
  
.  
  
.  
  
  


 

_-wrote to him, asking how he's been holding it up..."_  
  
She vaguely overheard a conversation between two of the Super Junior members one of those days. It gave her an idea, the perfect way to contact Changmin.  _Why,_  she should send him a letter!  
  
She waited no time in finding out the address to his apartment in between her busy schedule. He was a  _precious friend,_  she pondered, it was only right that she should try to be there for him.  
  
  


  
.  
  
.  
  
  


 

The first few letters were purely out of courtesy, filled with  _how-have-you-been's_ , sincere hopes and occasionally, she made sure to include uplifting quotes from inspirational figures (she was particularly fond of the wisdoms of Confucius; “ _Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”_  Her sentences were carefully constructed and words tactfully chosen, every inch of the letters was handled with notable finesse. In the composition of the letters, she exerted a lot of effort in what little free time she had.  
  
Which is precisely why it came off as real letdown for her when the recipient of the letters did not reply at all.  
  
Was he greatly bothered by the letters? Had she addressed him so insensitively in them? Had the letters somehow failed to reach him? Or had he no time at all to respond?   
  
The absence of his reply brought disarray to her mind. Her focus was lost and at times, she would find it troubling to pay heed to a conversation.   
  
She was greatly affected and people were starting to notice.   
  
It was then when  _(one of those nights after a performance)_  she decided that this will be the final one. And she was going to give it her all.  
  
  


  
.  
  
.  
  


 

 

_"To Shim Changmin-sshi,  
  
     How have you been? I hope you are in the pink of health, especially in such a humid weather in Seoul. Be careful so that you won't contract flu, don't forget to drink eight glasses of water daily and carry an umbrella just in case it rains.  
  
     On the other hand, I hope my past letters aren't of any hassle to you and if they are, well, I sincerely apologise for the inconvenience. Please believe me, it is not my intent to cause such a fuss.  
  
     Lastly, if there is anything- anything at all- that distresses you, please don't hesitate to share them with me. I wouldn't mind lending an ear to your woes."_   
  


 

Signing off, she folded the paper neatly and inserted the letter in an envelope before sealing it.   
  
Tomorrow, she will send the letter.  
  
  


  
.  
  
.  
  
  


 

Much to her delight, a reply did come, albeit a little delayed. She could not conceal her joy upon seeing the much-anticipated envelope. She hastily tore the envelope open and retrieves its content. It read;  
  


  
_"Dear Joohyun,  
  
     I am fine, thank you for asking. I did get some of your previous letters (though hyung might've discarded one of them before I get to read it by accident). Don't worry; it's not a bother at all. It's just that I can't seem to find any stamps at our apartment nor can I seem to remember to buy one when I'm out. I wanted to email you but then I didn’t exactly have your email address._

 

_Thanks again for your concerns; you really are the thoughtful Joohyun, aren’t you?_ (at this line, Seohyun felt oddly pleased) .  _Maybe we can meet up sometime; it’s really been awhile since we talked. Oh, that reminds me! How about I treat you to that meal set I promised you back then ;)?_ (the girl’s complexion abruptly turned pale).

 

_p.s: i really didn’t think you would actually send me a real letter, emails and phone calls are much preferred choice nowadays, isn’t it?_

 

 

Upon reaching the end of the letter, Seohyun blinked perplexedly at the attached card. Warily, she flipped the card over and discovered Changmin’s email address and below it, imprinted in black ink was his phone number.

 

In the dark of the night, her heart furtively leapt in glee for reasons she could not quite comprehend.

 

 

 

 

It was only beginning; _akin to sown seeds in the ground, unhurriedly but surely germinating._

 

**/tbc.**

**Author's Note:**

> also posted on aff.


End file.
